the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
