I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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