May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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