my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
