I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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