I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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