at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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