they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
