i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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