bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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