Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
