Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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