Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
