Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
