PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
