# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize