Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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