uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
