i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
