woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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