matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
