if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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