maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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