i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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