Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
