he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
