So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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