Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
