i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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