out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
