He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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