Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
