You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
