My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have aggressive nipples.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
