Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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