I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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