So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
