Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Vodka?
Forever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize