New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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