Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
