Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
