I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish my penis had a tongue
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
These tits shall not be calmed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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