My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
