I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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