How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
