what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
