Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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