She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
