so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
