There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
