The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
