I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
