So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
