not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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