She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
