I can tuck mytits in my pants
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
