Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
