I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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