Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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