Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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