no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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