i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
