Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
